Random thoughts

If you have to say you’re sorry, maybe you shouldn’t have done it in the first place….

Please don’t compare my pain to yours, it isn’t a competition, just pray for me, tell me you love me, and I will do the same.

If I say never mind, don’t keep bugging me, I was probably answering the voices in my head or talking to the dog, don’t take it personal, just carry on.

When I am stumbling to find a word, don’t start a guessing game with me, just tell me it’s ok and move along….the more I stumble the more frustrated I become, with frustration comes higher blood pressure which brings on spasms of pain….just let it be for God’s sake.

Don’t give me a hard time about the lists, I can’t remember to eat so why would I remember what you asked me to do.

I don’t like to eat, I don’t want to eat, so why keep asking me what we are going to eat, just make the decision yourself and I will eat some of whatever it is.


A twisted, complex color – it conveys the passion of red, the sadness of blue, the depravity of black. Purple is neither happy nor sad. It is pain and despair but longing, too-fiery desire, beaten and bruised but struggling onward, determined to overcome, to move forward rather than retreat.

Author unknown


I still remember having a hard time, it was like I couldn’t keep a continuous thought, I have been doing this forever, stop…..

Senior accountant, jamming, everything is great. All of the sudden, pain….. neck surgery, stop… what is it I was trying to accomplish, oh yeah, another interruption, what, what is that noise, no, not right now, can it just wait until I get this done…. please get me an office with a door that shuts, stop….. “you know when life throws you a curve ball, sorry you are fired”…… 6 years gone…stop…..

Yes, thank you, this will be great, Controller over all three companies, awesome, can’t wait….. where has the time gone, it is 9 o’clock at night….. it is 11 o’clock at night….. drive 4 hours, work 12 hours, sleep 4 hours, work 16 hours, sleep 4 hours, work 16 hours, sleep 6 hours, work 6 hours, drive 4 hours, work 4 hours, sleep 6 hours, work 16 hours…. why am I going in circles, why is this wrong, what was I thinking……. business sold, stop!!! Packed in the back of my Jeep, drive 4 hours, drop off all of my work, cry….2 years gone…stop…..

Run my own office, slow down, yes please….move to bigger office, hire 3 people, end of year, tax season….corrections, training, hire more people, training, hire more people, training, end of year, tax season….going too fast, too many errors, I can’t do it, I did what, stop……. I can’t do this….stop….2 years gone…stop….

Easy, not a big deal, no problem, post payments, what, I am confused, what was I doing, why did I do that, are you sure it was me? Stop the headaches, pressure, pain and more pain….stop….. what is wrong, why can’t I do this….stop…….stop…stop. 9 months gone by…

Software consultant, I know this software, awesome, setup, sure, reconcile, sure, conversion, am I ready, 3 conversions, ok, 5 conversions, stop, I am getting behind, stop, not enough workable hours, stop, I am messing up, stop, stop….. 6 months gone….stop.

Time blowing away….stop….. before you realize what….stop…..pain engulfing….stop

Concert #2 Summer 2018

Martina McBride

Here is a short exert of the concert. It wasn’t too unbearably hot today, although my irritation level was getting high for a while, people drunk, standing in the way, kids everywhere with their drunk parents, hope someone sober was driving them home….

I think the best part of the show was this guy who grabbed this sweet lady’s daughter that has down’s and danced a song with her. We saw them at the last concert, you could tell mom and daughter listen to a lot of music together and dance a lot…. so precious is life, and being happy is by far the most important thing we need to accomplish if nothing else.


So I get online to one of those “Ask the Doctor” sites and decided to ask them if my Neurosurgeon was correct in my diagnosis, rather spend $18 for some tid bit of information than have to drive 50 miles to another town to get a second opinion.

So here was my question:

I recently was diagnosed with posterior fossa arachnoid cyst centered on the left cerebellum. I was already on anti seizure medication. I was given another medication to stop the brain pains in the back of my head by Neurologist. Neurosurgeon said not to come back unless symptoms worsen or don’t goaway. Shouldn’t I have follow up MRI’s on my brain to make sure it isn’t growing? Cyst is1.3×4.4×2.27cm

So here is the first Neurosurgeon’s answer:

Arachnoisd cysts are usually only incidentally picked up and seldom cause any symptoms at all . Generally do not grow so most of the doctors adopt a conservative approach to manage it pharmacologically . Having already been on an anti seizure medication , this further minimizes the risk of you having any serious symptoms like a fit ,thats why your doctor was confident enough to send home with no further follow up scans either . That sounds reasonable too as in vast majority of the cases the cysts do not grow at all .

Hope it answers

And here was my blow up:

Unfortunately I don’t agree with this at all. I have been having severe headaches in the back of my head, walking sideways, into walls, equilibrium is messed up and although I am not seizing I have spells where I zone out for minutes, I get nauseous at the drop of a hat and my left arm and leg jerk uncontrollably. My left hand and arm go numb if I try to use them, as in trying to drive holding the steering wheel. This cyst was created by a neurologist who gave me a injection for pain, into my neck, without using the x-ray for guidance, the needle punctured my subarachnoid and dura area of brain leaving the fluid from the injection sitting in my arachnoid space below my cerebellum. Thousands upon thousand of people from all over the world are experiencing this problem from having injections that go awry. So I would need to just keep taking medications to hide the symptoms and hope that nothing ever happens. What do you think would happen if something hit me in the back of the head where this fluid is resting? What will happen when I have to stop taking my medications to have another surgery, will I start seizing when I stop taking the medications? We are talking about my cerebellum being pushed on my a fairly large amount of fluid, why would it be ok to never look at it again?

So here is the 1st doctor getting rid of me and then 2nd doctor

Dr. 1 Neurologist

Alright . I would opt out for another expert to help you on this . Please do not reply as it would lock it back to me.

Best regards

Dr 2 Neurologist

Hi Kat, I am an American Board Certified Neurologist with vast experience in diagnosing & treating all neurological as well as all other health/medical conditions; the previous expert has opted out and the company has made this question available for other experts too, and I am very glad to help you with your health concerns.

I am sorry to hear about your health in the form of the various health symptoms as you have described above on the background of having an arachnoid cyst, and I am also sorry for the delay in replying to you, please see this is being a 24 X 7 online service so different experts may log in to the site at different times, I just logged in to the site and saw your question has still not been answered and I am now replying to you immediately as soon as I have logged in to the site just now. Thank you for your waiting & patience.

Coming to the discussion of your health situation;

Yes, I fully concur with your health concerns, yes, a prompt attention towards this arachnoid cyst is certainly necessary now

Considering you have been having various very severe neurological symptoms and these symptoms can be ascribed to the arachnoid cyst too – so this certainly requires further evaluation and management

To start with – a follow up brain scan such as MRI scan of the brain needs to be arranged asap

We need to find out the current status of the arachnoid cyst with regard to the following issues;

Whether the size has further increased

Whether it is causing more pressure effect on the cerebellum

Is there any swelling of the brain

Whether this cyst is causing blockage to the CSF (Cerebrospinal fluid) flow and causing conditions such as hydrocephalus (abnormally increased collection of CSF within the brain cavities called as ventricles) etc

The information such as the ones mentioned above gathered through a follow up mri scan can help in deciding the next treatment plan

Since you are having numerous neurological symptoms and are very severe too so a surgical evaluation need to be considered asap

There are varieties of surgical options that are available to resolve these kinds of cysts

If your current neurosurgeon is not helpful then please try to see another neurosurgeon

You certainly need a follow up mri scan of the brain and quick evaluation for a surgical management for preventing any future complications taking place, and even if the cyst has remained of the same size as before but in light of the numerous and very severe symptoms so a surgical evaluation is certainly necessary otherwise also.

Once again to your questions, please see, a follow up mri scan of the brain is certainly required now asap, and such follow up mri scan can help in assessing the current status of the cyst with regard to whether it has grown further, the pressure effects of the cyst on the cerebellum or other adjacent brain structure, whether the cyst is causing any complications such as lot of swelling of the brain or hydrocephalus etc and the mri scan can also help in making a decision for the optimal treatment for this cyst, surgical management etc, so a follow up mri scan of the brain & a thorough & quick neurosurgical evaluation are certainly required now, and I fully concur with you in this regard.

Wishing you the best health!

All the very best!

Ok so we are from one side of the spectrum to the other, how in the world can the same type doctor have 2 decisions that are totally opposite on an issue involving the brain!!!!


American flag puzzle from postage stamps

After watching different series on TV for the last year, waiting on my disability, I decided to do some puzzles. My husband is a postmaster for 3 offices, so decided to do one for each of his offices….. 1000 piece puzzles, 20″ x 27″….. never mounted a puzzle before, first one, it kind of warped on me?!?! Hopefully I can straighten it out when I have a frame put on it…

Bad vs Worse Days

Bad days, when you say I am having a bad day, what does that really mean…..

So I am having a “Bad Day”……. Achy, no energy, don’t want to get out of my comfy clothes, don’t feel like taking a shower… you have to understand the energy it takes to wash my hair…..

And taking a shower, shaving my legs, it can be nothing short of a huge pain in the ass ordeal, so what to do, just do a short sponge bath, well crap that takes as much energy and more time than jumping in the shower. Believe me I don’t like being stinky and after everything is done I feel awesome, but exhausted, if that makes any sense.?.?.?

So, back to “bad day”. A day that your bones are a little achy, don’t feel like doing anything but getting on the heating pad on the recliner with Maxy…He is an ornery little stinker, but I love him, and he loves me except for when I am brushing him, getting briars out of his hair, you know, doing anything other than letting him sit with me and putting my hand on his back.

We sure love our little Papitese. He will be 5 years old in November, my how the time flies…

….a bad day is just a bad pain day, blah…..ready for it to be over with, but then here comes “worse than bad day”.

Fuck, excuse my language, but come on, really!!! I think walking over burning coals in bare feet would be less painful that this. I don’t know what everybody else’s version of “worse than bad day” is but I know what mine is like. My temples have a sharp point being stabbed at them, not inserted just putting pressure on them, then my ears start ringing, one side and then the other, back and forth throughout the day… those damn fusions in my neck are cracking every time I move my neck, like a grinding sound in my head… these are just the beginning, then we move from one part of the body to another, some parts stay in a dull, continuous pain, some on and off, my neck and back are continuously in a state of pain, somewhere between 7-8 on the 10 point scale, spiking to 10 way to frequently…. left shoulder, every time I put pressure on it cracks like crazy, yay Osteoarthritis, keep on taking over my body…..my hands, the joints of my fingers and the carpals in the wrist are like little fires exploding over and over. My hips get that stabbing burn pain in them, even the steroid shots aren’t doing anything for them now. My knees and ankles crack and pop with every move, is it because I am not using them, could be but that is part of the diseases, no energy, no strength and constant pain….

I hate what my hands are looking like. Puffy all the time, knuckles are getting nodules on them, grrrr. I can hardly grasp anything small anymore, no more needlework, no more jewelry making. My activities have changed, my life has changed, and it has only started, the new me, the tired fat lady, no energy, brain pains constantly disrupting my train of thought, forgetfulness a norm. All I want to do is lay around in my comfy clothes attached to my recliner and heating pad, what a life, please don’t feel sorry for me, or tell me I look tired, it only makes it worse for me.

And what is the deal with the swelling, I am swollen all over the place. My right ankle is always swollen, so is my neck, in the front and in the back. I hate being swollen, my body telling me there is something wrong while my doctor says it is fine….

All I can ask for is a day with no pain, just one would be nice, is that likely no, ever, no, just hoping that the day is just a little bit less painful than yesterday.

Forest Tennant

Pain and Pain Management

A Web Site Dedicated to Pain Patients

This Web Site is prmarily intended for persons who have intractable pain and their families. I started my pain clinic in 1975. Since then, I have learned and observed a great deal that I believe should be passed on to those afflicted with this medical condition. This site provides the best information and knowledge I have obtained during the past 30 years in the field of intractable and severe chronic pain.

I especially recommend that patients download and read the handbooks and articles on the Patient Self Help page.

My Goal and Mission

  1. Identify and treat the underlying causes of severe, chronic intractable pain.
  2. Develop clinical protocols to treat the underlying causes as well as provide symptomatic care that allows the intractable pain patient to function and have a good quality of life.

The Scientific Breakthrough
Two recent scientific advances now give us the knowledge to attack the basic causes of chronic, severe pain rather than just prescribe symptomatic relief.

  1. An immune, inflammatory cell called the “microglia” causes inflammation inside the brain and spinal cord when it is activated by a painful injury, disease, or trauma. This inflammation is called “neuroinflammation” as it is confined to the central nervous system (CNS) which is the brain, spinal cord, and cauda equina (nerve roots). Neuroinflammation traps the bioenergy of pain in a process called centralization thereby producing constant, severe, suffering pain.
  2. Neurons and nerve cells may regrow and the process is called neurogenesis. Brain and spinal cord make a set of “neurohormones” to accomplish this task. These hormones include estradiol, DHEA, pregnenolone, progesterone, human chorionic gonadotropin, oxytocin, and human growth hormone.

The etiologic or curative approach to severe, chronic pain is to eliminate or reduce neuroinflammation while simultaneously promoting neurogenesis.

Use of Writings by Forest Tennant M.D., Dr. P.H.

Materials on pain and suffering written by me may be disseminated and republished. I put no restriction or copyright on them. It is my deeply held belief that the relief of pain and suffering is a spiritual commandment from “on High”, and anything that helps should be shared.

%d bloggers like this: