Maxy

Maxymus Poof Tackett. About to turn 5 years old. We bought him at 3 months old, nobody wanted him, he was the last in his liter. I was working from hone at the time so he was very used to being with me 24/7. Then I lost that job, the beginning of the spiral to disability. What a road we have been on. Now that I am home again 24/7 we is rarely out if my sight. Unfortunately for me, he thinks he needs me to go outside with him also, instead of using the doggie door…. but that’s ok too.

Cerebral arachnoiditis

Cerebral arachnoiditis: Cerebral arachnoiditis affects the membrane surrounding the brain, and often causes intense headaches.

After reading article in Medical News Today, Arachnoiditis: Symptoms, diagnosis and outlook Last reviewed Fri 2 February 2018 By Zawn Villines, this is the type of arachnoiditis that I have. It was involuntarily put in between my brain and base of my neck while receiving a steroid shot for pain in my neck. I had already had a cage put around C4-C5 after my neck collapsed over the fusion that I had 5 years previously on C5-C7.

I have no curvature of my neck anymore, the swelling in my back, where it meets my neck, is extreme, as is the swelling in both my left and right ankles. My right side swells more than my left.

I walk with a shuffle, mostly to the left, like I am always drunk. I was having extreme brain pains in the back of my head until put on a medication that seems to be keeping them under control.

I get severe back pain if I do any lifting, pushing, pulling, no house cleaning, no putting up dishes where I have to bend over. If I do this I have extreme back spasms and have to medicate myself further, which makes it where I can do nothing other than sit in my recliner, with a heating pad, in pain…. I am talking about over the top 9-10 type pain….

So with that being said I don’t do any housework, I do very little laundry or dishes, I get to help cook meals for my husband and stepson, I used to be an awesome cook, now not so much….

Something frozen that gets thrown in boiling water or in the oven. Spaghetti or ravioli, ugh, we are so tired of eating the same old thing……. I used to love to cook, I taught my husband how to make lasagna rolls, a long process that I just cannot attempt to do anymore….

If we are lucky I can remember how to make something, what ingredients we need to have, our lives have changed so much, it just isn’t fair, and really sucks……not just for me, but for them too.

So now here we are, we know what I have, cerebral arachnoiditis, but what do we do about it??

More MRIs, watch and wait, physical therapy, tired of it, I can do the exercises at home for cheaper…surgery…no…..pain medications, more and more and more, I feel like a drug tester already….. nerve stimulation, ugh….. acupuncture… I don’t think my nerves can handle any more needles…. so what do I do…….

“Treating arachnoiditis can be difficult. The area around the spinal cord is delicate, and even minor damage can have severe consequences.

Surgery is possible but not always recommended. Surgery is not always effective and exposes the spine to potential further damage. Even when surgery is effective, the benefits are usually temporary.” Same article….

So here it is….in black and white folks……surgery is possible but not recommended…..

Whatever you do, do not get any more shots…..

tornado

Always hoping for a sun filled day with no pain…

Simply Chronically Ill

tornado on body of water during golden hour Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com

a chronic illness is like a tornado………..it starts with little warning………the right conditions merging together to create a destructive force

it can create mass devastation to everyone and everything in it’s path with no regard to human suffering

it creates mass casualties

it destroys lives in a matter of moments

sends dreams flying through the air with no safe place to land

it brings people to their knees, crying………”I lost so much”

lives must be rebuilt

and maybe, just maybe, we will be able to rebuild a good life again, complete with blue skies and sunshine

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Random thoughts

If you have to say you’re sorry, maybe you shouldn’t have done it in the first place….

Please don’t compare my pain to yours, it isn’t a competition, just pray for me, tell me you love me, and I will do the same.

If I say never mind, don’t keep bugging me, I was probably answering the voices in my head or talking to the dog, don’t take it personal, just carry on.

When I am stumbling to find a word, don’t start a guessing game with me, just tell me it’s ok and move along….the more I stumble the more frustrated I become, with frustration comes higher blood pressure which brings on spasms of pain….just let it be for God’s sake.

Don’t give me a hard time about the lists, I can’t remember to eat so why would I remember what you asked me to do.

I don’t like to eat, I don’t want to eat, so why keep asking me what we are going to eat, just make the decision yourself and I will eat some of whatever it is.

Purple

A twisted, complex color – it conveys the passion of red, the sadness of blue, the depravity of black. Purple is neither happy nor sad. It is pain and despair but longing, too-fiery desire, beaten and bruised but struggling onward, determined to overcome, to move forward rather than retreat.

Author unknown

Stop

I still remember having a hard time, it was like I couldn’t keep a continuous thought, I have been doing this forever, stop…..

Senior accountant, jamming, everything is great. All of the sudden, pain….. neck surgery, stop… what is it I was trying to accomplish, oh yeah, another interruption, what, what is that noise, no, not right now, can it just wait until I get this done…. please get me an office with a door that shuts, stop….. “you know when life throws you a curve ball, sorry you are fired”…… 6 years gone…stop…..

Yes, thank you, this will be great, Controller over all three companies, awesome, can’t wait….. where has the time gone, it is 9 o’clock at night….. it is 11 o’clock at night….. drive 4 hours, work 12 hours, sleep 4 hours, work 16 hours, sleep 4 hours, work 16 hours, sleep 6 hours, work 6 hours, drive 4 hours, work 4 hours, sleep 6 hours, work 16 hours…. why am I going in circles, why is this wrong, what was I thinking……. business sold, stop!!! Packed in the back of my Jeep, drive 4 hours, drop off all of my work, cry….2 years gone…stop…..

Run my own office, slow down, yes please….move to bigger office, hire 3 people, end of year, tax season….corrections, training, hire more people, training, hire more people, training, end of year, tax season….going too fast, too many errors, I can’t do it, I did what, stop……. I can’t do this….stop….2 years gone…stop….

Easy, not a big deal, no problem, post payments, what, I am confused, what was I doing, why did I do that, are you sure it was me? Stop the headaches, pressure, pain and more pain….stop….. what is wrong, why can’t I do this….stop…….stop…stop. 9 months gone by…

Software consultant, I know this software, awesome, setup, sure, reconcile, sure, conversion, am I ready, 3 conversions, ok, 5 conversions, stop, I am getting behind, stop, not enough workable hours, stop, I am messing up, stop, stop….. 6 months gone….stop.

Time blowing away….stop….. before you realize what….stop…..pain engulfing….stop

Concert #2 Summer 2018

Martina McBride

Here is a short exert of the concert. It wasn’t too unbearably hot today, although my irritation level was getting high for a while, people drunk, standing in the way, kids everywhere with their drunk parents, hope someone sober was driving them home….

I think the best part of the show was this guy who grabbed this sweet lady’s daughter that has down’s and danced a song with her. We saw them at the last concert, you could tell mom and daughter listen to a lot of music together and dance a lot…. so precious is life, and being happy is by far the most important thing we need to accomplish if nothing else.